Used to Love You Sober
by SebbysGirl88
Summary: Frozen in time with Steve, you were Bucky's girlfriend. After coming to in 2012 and you realize Bucky is the Winter Soldier, you cannot let him go. You find yourself drinking to kill his memory. To dull the ache. But find that never happens. Especially when you are fighting him.


Used to Love You Sober

Summary: Frozen in time with Steve, you were Bucky's girlfriend.

After coming to in 2012 and you realize Bucky is the Winter Soldier, you can't let him go.

You find yourself drinking to kill his memory. To dull the ache but find that never happens. Especially when you are fighting him on the daily.

Time frame from CA:TFA and CA:TWS

Warnings: Angst, with a kinda cute/happy ending I think. Excessive drinking/ alcoholism. Language.

"He didn't recognize me Steve!" you screamed, tears flowing freely from your y/e/c eyes, "He doesn't know me!"

"Y/n calm down. When you said his name he hesitated. Hydra did something to him but he's still in there." he tried to reason. There was no changing your mind. You knew Bucky was gone. YOUR Bucky was gone. This man with your 'deceased' boyfriend's face was not James Buchanan Barnes. Just a shell of what he was. And what was up with the metal arm? Yeah, it was hot and the sounds it made? Good God. But that was not your Bucky.

"I need to be by myself Steve. I can't deal with this." you told him. Storming from the room, he knew better than to follow after you. You marched straight to Tony's liquor cabinet. You needed a drink; you needed and escape. Quickly finding his stash of Jack Daniels, you grab the whole gallon and head in the direction of your room, grabbing a glass along the way.

Before you even realize it, your whole first glass is gone. You've drank before but never to this extent. One of Natasha's signature margaritas here and there at parties or what Tony named an Incredible Hulk after Bruce. Never whiskey and never straight. Thoughts of the person now in the place of your beloved Bucky fills your head, so you fill the glass full a second time. Somewhere between half and ¾ the glass, your memory finally blanks and you pass out into a dreamless sleep.

Pounding on your bedroom door startles you awake the next morning. You groan loudly, eyes fluttering open. 'Oh my God, why is there so much light? Someone turn down the sun.' you say to yourself, your head pounding like the sound on the door.

"What?" You shout, "I'm awake." Steve opens the door slowly.

"Y/n, where were you? You missed training." He walks casually over to the bed obviously not sensing your irritable mood, "Are you sick? You worried yourself sick."

"Not so much worried myself sick. More like drank myself sick. Just a hangover Steve. I'll be fine." Sitting up you see him scan the room, eyes settling on the half gone Jack.

"Oh Y/n, you didn't?" The rhetoric question comes flying out of his mouth with ease.

"Oh, I did." You say falling back on the bed, your arm covering your eyes as you will your head to stop pounding.

~~8 Weeks Later~~

It's been 8 weeks since the incident on the bridge. 8 weeks of passing out with Jack every night. The hangovers seemed to be lessening though, or maybe that's only because drinking has seem to become an all day thing now for the last 4 of them. You learned quick to switch to Fireball during the day. The evidence of the drink being pawned off on the Big Red you carried and chewed constantly.

Sitting in the prep room with Maria Hill and Nick Fury, you had a hard time focusing on this mission brief. Something about stopping 3 helicarriers. You were paired with Steve of course, thank God. That's all you needed to know.

You and Steve made your way on your target carrier to install some chip to disable Hydra's signal. You were 3 sheets to the wind. Hopefully you didn't have to do anything but guard Steve.

Luck was not on your side though today, having to fight off numerous Hydra agents as soon as you boarded. You were getting your butt handed to you until Steve stepped in to save you.

"What's up with you Y/n? You look like you can't fight for crap." He got close enough to you now that he could pick up the smell of the whiskey beyond the cinnamon. "Are you drunk?" he asked looking at you in shock.

"I had 'em on the ropes Steve." You tell him completely disregarding his question to you.

"You are. You're completely shit-faced!" Giggles escaped your lips as you fell into a fit.

"Ah, goody 2 shoes Cap just said shit." You laughed even harder.

"For fuck's sake. Get off this carrier before you blow this mission soldier." He ordered.

"Ha, excuse the fuck outta you. Last time I checked you weren't my Dad, my brother, my boyfriend or my superior. I'm not a soldier, sorry." You tried to brush past him as he caught your arm in his strong grip whipping you back around to face him.

"Seriously Y/n, you can't..." he stopped, something seeming to have grabbed his attention behind you. You turned around to check it out for yourself and your heart stopped beating. There he was, the Winter Soldier. Steve quickly jumped in front of you within a second, offering himself as a barrier between you and Hydra's fist.

"People are gonna die, Buck. I can't let that happen." Steve tries to reach out to him but Bucky just stares back coldly, "Please don't make me do this" he begs. You can tell the Winter Soldier is not going to back down. With liquid courage running through your system, you were you were just crazy and stupid enough to test Steve's theory, easily using yourself as a distraction.

"Buck." You call out to him, stepping around Steve so he could see your face. His eyes immediately switched to your face, the same look as before crossing his stone-cold but handsome features. Recognition.

"Do you remember me?" you asked him, slowly walking closer signaling Steve to go on behind your back. Steve does as he's told and makes his way toward the targeting blade system. Bucky looked like he wanted to say something but still held off, just staring you down. You calmly take another step forward, "You've known me your whole life. Your name is James Buchanan Barnes." You glanced above you and saw Steve had completed his job of switching out the chips. Success.

"Shut up." he says barely audible in a low growl, just like a rattlesnake's tail, alerting you that you were about to cross a line you didn't want to.

Your hands going up in surrender, "I'm not gonna fight you. You were my boyfriend;I love you."

"You're my mission." he whispers to himself as if trying to convince himself of such. In a flash of rage, he charges at you, catching you by the throat and lifting you in the air. "You're.. My.. Mission." he ground out, now seeming certain of it. You knew where this was gonna end and you couldn't really finding it in yourself to care. At least then you wouldn't hurt anymore.

You drag in a deep breath, "Then finish it, cuz I'm with you til the end of the line stud." What the trio of you always said to one another to reassure each other their six was covered came out in a gasped whisper. As soon as the words met his ears, an instant realization crossed Bucky's face; he carefully started lowering you to the ground. Just as your feet touched, there was an explosion, the floor of the helicarrier and the platform Steve was standing on gave way, sending the 2 of you plummeting into the cold river, the force of the impact from the fall knocking you both out instantly.

You come to slowly but surely, realizing that you were in strong arms. All thoughts about Bucky from before seem to be forgotten, you think it's Steve that is wrapped around you, trying to carry you to safety. When you look up, your eyes are met with slate grey/ blue mix that you had grown to love over the years.

"Bucky?" you ask, shock written on your face as you stiffen in his hold.

He continues to carry you away, "Hey doll, welcome back."


End file.
